Author Archives: chris238

Odds and Ends

The place is Vegas. The scene: the lobby of any big hotel. You are walking down a row of slots, past the backs of the acolytes. Hands reach up and down like earthmoving equipment. Large asses envelop the stools they perch on. There is a din of bells and clicking gears, but no one speaks…

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Calendar Reform

Thirty to forty thousand years ago, our ancestors were hunter-gatherers. Life was short and brutish, and dentistry had not been invented. Anatomically, people were just like us, lacking only our effortlessly cynical attitude. Try if you can to imagine life before fast food, deodorant, and digital stereo. Unlike us, they were not obsessed by “stuff,”…

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Half of All Penises

are smaller than average. Not yours, of course. If you are a guy reading this, then yours is no doubt comfortably larger than the mean. Not freak-show huge. Just languid, python-in-the-pants, I’ve-never-had-any-complaints big. But out there in the world, at the mall, with your lunch crowd, at the water cooler. Half of those guys are…

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And Ye Shall Heed

the Laws of Thermodynamics. For it is written that in the beginning was a nameless void, and out of the void emerged a tumult of fire and brimstone and photon and proton. Neither structure nor form was on the face of the deep. The Lord created gravity, that He might have something to look at…

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Chicken Little

was right. The sky really is falling. Maybe not today or tomorrow. And not necessarily on you. But eventually, and without a doubt, a big hunk of space junk will fall out of a bright blue sky and ruin our collective day. A hard rain is gonna fall. Big meteorites are the cruel trick that…

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Depends on Who You Talk To

What do you really think? About anything. Are your opinions your own, or are you influenced by the popular culture? We all drift in an amniotic fluid of inputs from print media, TV, radio and the Internet. We are surrounded by a relentless white noise of marketing and advertising. How much information is contained in…

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